You might have found my page as you are thinking ahead to your own funeral. I appreciate that might be because you had had bad news and want to have things in place to help your loved ones. Alternatively, you might be planning ahead and have realised the person who knows you best is you…and you want to ensure your loved ones get it right!
The page on funerals and celebrations of life will certainly help you. However, this page is to guide you as the person at the centre of the funeral or celebration of life service to have what you want. I offer a special bespoke service to work with you to create what you want ahead of time.
See the funerals & celebrations of life page for thoughts on burial or cremation, funeral or memorial and ideas about venues.
“I’ve not read a poem since I left school!” “I’m not a very poetry person.” Let me surprise you. A reading helps to give your ceremony a tone and a flow.
So you may well want to give your loved ones ideas of readings you think best fit you or reflect your loves and likes. A google search will turn up hundreds of ideas OR it might lead you into some dreadful AI written rubbish. You can click on the link to my Readings selection or chat to me and let me help you find something right for you.
I can help find a reading fits your interests – it doesn’t have to be a ‘funeral’ reading. I can work with you to tweak any poems or readings so they fit you better. You could even commission a poem just for you.
One or two readings is usually plenty unless a longer service is planned.
A good starting point can be a reading from your wedding or a poem you learned off by heart as a child, lyrics to a song that you are not including in the music, a reading from your own parents’ funeral, an extract from something you performed in your younger years. But if none of these are you, fret not! I will find something that works. I used to be an English teacher after all!
It is also helpful to think about poems and readings that might offer comfort to loved ones. I can offer suggestions for these and a range of poems are available by clicking the link below. Readings can also help with the final wording of the ceremony.
You might be passionate about music and have more ideas than there is time to play in a ceremony…you might have a play list for the wake! You might want to incorporate sound effects that reflect your hobbies. On the other hand, you may hate music and not want any at all – that is fine too. This is your ceremony – let’s make it right for you!
The music for entry into the funeral is often quieter/gentler and the music at the end is often uplifting but there are no hard and fast rules. Alternatively, you might be a steam train enthusiast or a bird lover and want to include relevant sound effects – the possibilities are endless. I want to help you choose the sound elements that are genuinely you.
As well as these most common musical elements, it is normal to have one or two other pieces of music – if timings allow. They might play while a slide show of your life is played, for example or to give time for mourners to reflect on you life. There can be gathering music as people wait for the ceremony to begin.
It can work well to finish on a piece of music with an upbeat theme – don’t shy away from humour! If that fits you, let’s do it!
If you want hymns, we can discuss how to make this successful.
The hardest element for the person or people doing your tribute is knowing your full story. A tribute is not a detailed life history but whoever is delivering it does not want to miss something significant.
I can help you prepare this in several ways.
Your loved ones might have photos already they can put into a slide show but you can also collate a collection that you want to be used in the service or shared at the wake/reception.
It takes 25-40 photos to accompany a piece of music. The Order of Service can have different photos too. Go for the funny and characterful ones not just the perfect beautiful ones. No one will care if you were having a fat or bad hair day, how wrinkly your face became, or if your clothes were unironed! It’s great if the photos include other folk too who might link to the memories in the tribute.
There are lots of other elements we can plan for your ceremony. You might want to leave instructions or leave suggestions for your loved ones. We can chat through a range of ideas when we meet.
There are different ways we could incorporate candles, flowers or opportunities for the mourners to write messages to be sent with your coffin, as just some suggestions.
You can choose to leave a video or audio message to be played at your funeral (that would give everyone a surprise!) – it could be the audio to a slideshow. You might want your mourners to leave with something to remember you by.
Don’t forget you funeral director will dress you in your coffin, do you have want to leave instructions on what you want to wear? Or do you want your mourners to wear a particular colour?
If you work with me to create your ceremony wishes, I provide documents that help you gather into one place everything your loved ones might need. These cover your wishes for the final stages of your life through to where to find key paperwork and everything in between. All they need to know is where you keep it all!
