Burial or cremation? Do you want to be planted into the earth or cremated into the wind and spread wherever you desire?
This was a debate dad and I had in his last seven weeks as I nursed him…and he was adamant…burial. When mum was able to articulate her views, she wanted cremation, we will remember for her when her time comes.
Why cremation?
I understand the desire for cremation…
- it somehow seems simpler – perhaps because we tend to attend more cremations than burials
- some see it as greener as you will take up less space afterwards and you are not worrying about the lease expiring on a burial plot (although in other ways cremation is not greener)
- freedom to be scattered somewhere special or across several special places
- ashes can be kept somewhere safe and potentially scattered with another loved one or offer comfort by staying with a loved one
- some religions cremation is the only option
- no grave to maintain or feel guilty for not tending
- it tends to be less expensive – no burial plot to purchase
- you can create memorial items with the ashes
- a fear of being buried alive (although not really a fear in these days of modern medicine).
But at a very personal level, it won’t be my choice. We will, of course, follow my mum’s wishes and I will defend anyone’s choice of cremation. But after those hours of chatting with dad, I ended up sharing his view.
Why I am requesting burial
First and foremost, I want my energy to go to good use. I don’t mean a spiritual version of energy; I mean the physical energy encapsulated in our bodies. I want the worms, the bugs, the microbes in the soil to feast on whatever I have left to offer. For in that way, I will be feeding the earth.
If you want the scientific link: the first law of thermodynamics states that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. In cremation that energy literally disappears up the crematorium chimney. In burial it returns to the earth and is recirculated through nature until the end of time…or until someone cremates it.
Why do I care? I’ll never know
Agreed…I will never know. But it still matters to me. I can’t have children, and indeed nearly popped my clogs and entered the earth sooner than planned in my final attempt with IVF, so my genes cannot continue through a normal human line. Somehow, therefore, re-entering the earth through burial is a comfort to me. My energy will ‘give birth’ multiple times.
The romantic in me imagines my energy getting an opportunity to buzz around as a bee feeding on pollen, hunting as a fox and soaring in the skies as a red kite as well as springing up in weeds, crops and flowers. And I accept that cycle will also include the less glamorous variations my energy will pass through.
So for me, burial is the closest I can ever get to being physically remembered in the world. As the end of a line (my dad’s only child) who was the end of a line (his brother died as a child), this is all I can physically leave in the world.
And who will tend my grave?
As a husband who is older than me, I appreciate that if I die first there are unlikely to be many years that he would tend my grave if I was in a cemetery. In fact, that does not bother me at all. I won’t know if you visit me. I am not there. As Clare Harner captures in her poem:
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I would rather be in a natural burial ground and ideally in Yorkshire – the county to which I feel most connected. Have I found it yet? Not yet, but I have some ideas. But even if I end up in a traditional cemetery, I don’t want you to tidy my grave.
Let it go, let nature play her part. Feel free to sprinkle things that will help the process of decomposing and transformation but don’t bother with flowers on my birthday, don’t tweak out the weeds or bother with a marble gravestone with gilded letters. Some wildflower seeds and some fertiliser might be more handy.
This is why when I visit dad’s grave I take carrots not flowers – he’s in a natural burial ground that also has sheep grazing. I’m encouraging them to his grave thinking their droppings will aid the process of climbing the food ladder.
As we held dad’s service at the burial ground, buzzards ascended the air overhead. He fancied flying with them. So do I.
What a physicist might say
An alternative reading for burials
An alternative reading for burials
“You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world.
You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got. And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your broken-hearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you.
And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable, and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.”
Aaron Freeman
2 Responses
It’s fascinating how personal beliefs and scientific principles intertwine in this discussion about burial and cremation. The idea of returning energy to the earth through burial feels deeply poetic and meaningful. The author’s connection to nature and the cycle of life is both comforting and thought-provoking. It’s interesting how personal experiences, like the conversations with their father, shape such profound decisions. Do you think the choice between burial and cremation is more about personal comfort or the legacy we leave behind? WordAiApi
The text presents a deeply personal reflection on the choice between burial and cremation. The author shares their father’s preference for burial and mother’s wish for cremation, emphasizing their own choice for burial. Highlighting the scientific and philosophical reasons, they argue that burial allows their physical energy to return to the earth, benefiting nature in a meaningful cycle. While respecting others’ choices, they find comfort in the idea of their energy continuing in various forms within the natural world. Do you believe the concept of physical energy returning to the earth through burial holds significance beyond personal comfort? German news in Russian (новости Германии)— quirky, bold, and hypnotically captivating. Like a telegram from a parallel Europe. Care to take a peek?